Les Imbéciles (Qui est-il ou Qui sont-ils?)

Crap... Crap... Crap... That's what I've been feeling like for this week and the week before. The attachment out to an external camp was the base for the cake... the thing that's made from flour. God... I have no idea what the thing's called!!! - shows you how much I know about food. I just know that it goes in and that I'll eat more if I like it :P Anyway, the attachment just really truly sucked. Coming into camp early, starting work bloody early - as in immediately upon arrival and ending bloody late every single bloody day. Yesterday, I reached home at 10+... Same thing for today. Thank God it's finally over... I really hated that camp. It had a certain vibe about it that didn't quite agree with me and the ppl there were just sigh... kinda different. I really didn't like the people there... the environment... basically everything.

I really felt like a second class citizen over there, continuously and incessantly being scrutinized by the personnel over there. I realize that I didn't talk a snitch to anyone from that camp at all, being unfriendly as they were. And that exploration of the facilities of the camp consisted of walking from our designated rest area to the cookhouse or to the canteen. And whereever I went with my camp mates, we would be observed from a distance by someone from the camp - scrutinized from head to toe, perhaps a kind of reminder that we were outsiders and that we didn't belong in that camp and should not treat the camp like what we did back in our own camp. I really hate that feeling. And some would actually point at us and say something behind our backs... Sigh. I really am dumb. An imbecile. To let stupid trivial things like this bother me. Or is it them who are imbeciles? Hence the title... Sigh. Stupid idiotic me. :(

And even in an external camp - our humble hq company is much maligned. So much so that we are always seen as weaklings... the unfit ones who do not scramble in the mud and always doing admin work. Which is basically not work in the eyes of those who are involved in the combat side of the SAF. It really is getting on my nerves - and today was the worst. Granted that it was the last day of the exhibition - we really were looking forward to booking out since we would not returning to the camp ever again. Me and my dept mates went up to get our bags from our resting area and came down first because the other guys were taking their time to come down. Resting a while upstairs. Upon arrival to the agreed meeting place however, we were accused (albeit in a joking manner) that we were down first because the rest were cleaning up the place and we were not helping them. Sigh... The accusations that hq must endure... Really really fucking irritating.

And something stood out for me today. And really made me feel pissed for a while. Someone told me to hurry up with the work because get this "I have a life - it's Friday night - unlike you". I hate hate hate it when people start passing judgements on MY FUCKING LIFE. It is my life. I can do whatever I want with it. I can choose not to go out on a Friday, a Saturday or even a Sunday. I can choose to stay in when I don't feel like going home. I can choose to eat shit if I so prefer too which I don't see ever happening but u guys get the idea... It really really hurts me whenever people say that I don't have a life - it invalidates my very existence and thus negates my purpose in living at all. Should I then cease to exist and choose to end my life? No 2 people lead the same lives. I choose my path, you choose yours. Agreed?

Keeping on track though - the ultimate icing on the cake was the Army Half Marathon 21 km run on 11 Sept. Sucked through and through. Worst part was that we had to book in on Saturday evening, sleep at 8pm, wake up at 3am to have breakfast and leave by bus at 4am to reach the padang at about 5+. Really hated the fact that the whole weekend was wasted like this. The run though wasn't bad! :P Me and my bud ran all the way till the 17km mark and I suddenly felt this sudden surge of the total loss of energy from my body. It was so unexpected and I suddenly felt super freaking tired. My bud too was having problems with his legs and feet so we decided to walk the remainder all the way to the end. But the run was a great test of endurance and determination I thought... This simply means that I would have to run more in the future with further distances :) But this does not make the AHM a positive thing - I still hated the fact that it took up my whole weekend. Also, I was limping on Monday and Tuesday, barely able to walk with a sharp pain on both my knees and my left foot hurt like hell. Luckily everything was ok by Wednesday :P

Sidenote : Evanescence really makes a great companion cd to listen to at the end of an incredibly crappy day. The emotions conveyed through the really touching lyrics and great music can really strike a chord in you... Seriously. I was walking home from the bus stop alone in the dark and was listening to "Hello". Very poignant song.

Anyway... The 2 sucky weeks have finally ended. Thank God! Looking forward to coming back to good ole Jurong Camp and seeing familiar faces. The atmosphere and the people. Sigh... Till next...